Post Mortem

It's already over. 7 days. More than 35 hours of travelling. More than 20 hours  of driving.

Did I do all I wanted to? Hell no.
Did I see everyone I wanted do? I wish.
Did I have a good time? You bet!

Yet, I couldn't get on the plane fast enough to get out.

It's so hard feeling like you're a tourist in your own home. My room is empty. My car's seat has been readjusted. People are lost. The streets are different. Athens feels foreign.

But I thought I am foreign...

What's the aftertaste of all this?
I know there will always be a place for me to hide away to.
I know my friends will always be there no matter what.
But I also know there are things that will never be the same.

In my head? That is a good thing.

Feelings about going home

+1 I get to drive again
+1 I'm going to the beach!
+1 I'll eat a real gyro
+1 I'll go to playhouse
+1 Shopping!
+1 I'll drink a nice big fat freddo
+1 I'll get a haircut!
+1 I'm going to a wedding I've been waiting for a long time to happen
+1 The annual family water-wars extravaganza

-1 No 3G
-1 No 5G either
-1 Dealing with the embassy
-1 I'll miss the boat cruise
-1 No kissing bunnies that are meant for hugging too
-1 Using almost all my vacation days
-1 No daily game of pool

Well that's all I can come up with right now, I'm pretty sure there are more but at least it's a positive outcome! :)

Oh no...

I would have never guessed making a cake could have been so much fun! 

Somewhere between:

making a mess out of my kitchen, 

making 10 times more ganache than I was ever going to need and trying to mix it with my tiny hand held mixer,

coloring gum-paste like it's play-doh,

trying to cut circles of cakes and tasting the yummy crumbs,

rolling fondant and seeing it fall apart when I tried to pick it up, 

modeling a hot air balloon that could hold its weight, 

putting it all together while thinking of the smile on his face,

... I think I found a new hobby! 

Instant Fix

I know it's cheezy, but how could I resist? They're so freaking adorable!

Is it worth even trying?

Assumptions:

We're on this stupid planet not because we chose to but because shit happens.
We're not alone on this planet and that was not by choice either.
We end up interacting with people, sometimes by choice sometimes by fate, sometimes cause there's nothing good on TV and wth it can't be that bad (*evil laugh*)
At the end of the day we're responsible for making something or nothing out of this time spend consciously on this planet.

Our life is in our hands. As in: my life is in my hands and your life is in your hands. There's no magic here. No mix-up. No sharing. If I choose to make myself happy by making you happy that's my choice, my privilege and my responsibility. But if I decide to do so, I might just as well verify that what ever the hell I'm doing does make you happy after all. Maybe you don't even want to be happy with me and you're perfectly content with the little shithole I believe you put yourself into. Is it my problem? No. Should I come to the rescue? No. Why? Cause it's your freaking life and you can do whatever you want with it. I can't fix it unless I'm fixing it the way you want me to. Is that too hard a concept to grasp?

I don't wanna play God. I don't want to be treated like one. I wanna have my peace of mind knowing that my life is how I want it to be and it's safe from people who want to fix it. Thank you very much but no thanx. I'm a big girl and I know what I want out of it. And I know better than you. and you. and you. And yes, even you mom. Cause I am the one going to bed with me every night, and I'm the only one that knows if I fall asleep with a smile on my face or not. And I do. And that's cause I've been trying to get my life to a place where everything around me fills me up with joy and satisfaction. Mind you, that is *my* life. Not yours. Not his. Not hers. Definitely not ours.

I stay out of peoples lives when they want me to.
I stay out of peoples lives when I want to.
I stay out of peoples lives when there is no good in me being part of them.
And I expect people to stay out of my life when they have nothing to do with it.
My life. My rules.

Last night I dreamt

So tell me how long before the last one?
And tell me how long before the right one...

Don't understand...

1. Why songs are always right
2. Why it looks like I'm always wrong
3. Why people chage
4. Why you won't admit what you really feel
5. Why I feel I have to lie to make people happy
6. Why being happy is so bad
7. Why common sense is rare... even though it's common...